Modern republicanism and Barcelona v. Real Madrid

     As I made my way through Ragsdale around 4:45 on January 25th, I caught a glimpse of approximately 30 people sitting around the television watching the second leg of the Copa del Rey semifinal between Barcelona-Real Madrid. The popularity of both teams has grown exponentially since the introduction of Champions League football to basic cable packages and the availability of European football elsewhere. It is easy to see why Americans would become enamored with the style of Barcelona and the panache of Real Madrid. They also win. America loves winners. Posters of Messi and Ronaldo are plastered in local sporting goods stores encouraging people to drop two bills on a pair of neon yellow cleats. These images sell, and their players have been commodified as icons of clubs considered the magistrates of virtuous, beautiful, and victorious football.

 

 

     What people fail to discuss or acknowledge are the way that these two clubs operate in the most self-destructive and misanthropic manner this side of the Danube. Television rights, deficit spending, control of media, unfair revenue sharing, the swooping in for young talent, the colonization of other talent pools [Barcelona in Surrey], and the unabashed greed perpetrated by both clubs make them less clubs and more American political parties. On the shoulders of those that got them to the top, Barcelona and Real Madrid suffocate opportunity and opposition. The inequality in revenue and lack of competition is thought to only exist in third world countries and the Scottish Premier League, but that isn’t the case at all. The model for exploitation in the United States, most banana republics, and underdeveloped nations, can be seen in the workings of the Spanish Primera.

     Perhaps the worst offender is Barcelona. They hide behind the altruistic act of sponsoring UNICEF, the Qatar Foundation, or showing the world how the sport was meant to be played. The amount of debt and ill will accumulated is something only seen in Washington DC. Social issues are the veil obscuring the greedy and exploitative practices of Barcelona.

     Barcelona are the Democrats to the Real Madrid Republicans. Real Madrid bury themselves in debt to fill their war chest for their culture war against Barcelona. Real also have some of the most caustic and uncharismatic people running their organization (Mourinho, Perez), yet they somehow manage to lure in the mouth-breathing soccer fan who wants to watch Ronaldo do step overs until the Second Coming of Christ or when JNCOs come into style again. The shameful part is that these fans couldn’t tell you who Gheorghe Hagi was the same way most Republicans couldn’t tell the difference between Barry Goldwater or Roger Sterling.

     To me, Barcelona and Real Madrid embody everything that is wrong with football and a symbolic representation of the collapse of democracy, the problems with a free market, and the suffocation of human expression. And, sure, everyone would love for their clubs to reach these levels of success and brilliant play, but the cost is too great for the rest of the game. The heads of large European clubs discuss the formation of an exclusionary continental league which would spell the end for historic clubs, traditions, and rivalries.  Being successful doesn’t mean killing everything in your path. Responsible regulation and financial control is being pursued by UEFA, but big money clubs like Chelsea, Manchester City, Real Madrid, Barcelona and leagues like the English Premier League will find ways around those obstacles. They, like our politicians and lobbyist friends, always do. So, what do we do?

Excuse me while I wear my Chelsea shirt and wave my tiny American flag.

Expectation/Reality: A rant about $$$ and :((((

The best example of $$$ = :(((

Expectation is one of the most confusing elements of fanhood. As a fan of multiple sports you can experience a series of emotions in a single day. In the morning you could be cursing the name of Raul Meireles and Ramires for not finishing their chances, and in the afternoon you could be ecstatic about the effort put forth by your scrappy, upstart NFL team against the most felonious group of NFL players this side of the Bengals. 1-0 to Chelsea against Sunderland is an undignified result, but 20-13 in Baltimore is something that may not necessarily sit well but can be seen as a moral victory taking into account all of the injuries.

Perhaps 1-0 isn’t a horrible result in the age of technocratic, defensive-minded soccer, but big margins should be expected between two teams whose wage bills are so drastically different. No one’s trying to pay Lee Cattermole shit. Swatting aside the little people and those less worthy should be accomplished by organizations that drop millions on salaries, transfers, and signing bonuses. But, huge expenditures don’t automatically mean wins. The Dallas Cowboys have yet to turn the corner or recover from Quincy Carter. The Red Sox and the Yankees have won in the free agent market, I guess, but have yet to string together the championship runs they so often crave. Is it even worth it? I’m not asking about the spending. I’m asking about throwing your support, your hours in the stadiums, the couch, the bar, the arguing. Is it worth all that? So much effort for a title here or there. Bragging rights? Really?

It’s the Patriots, Packers, Steelers, recently Manchester United, and San Antonio Spurs that have given professional sports globally the blueprint for sustained success. Buy smart and have faith in your system.

In sports, it’s easy to succumb to emotion from fan to owner. Haste is often quickly followed by disappointment in professional sports. Haste and short-sightedness fuel deals like those for Fernando Torres to Chelsea, Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Barcelona, anything the Mets have ever done, Ryan Leaf, and Nnamdi Asomugha. Expectation, reality. Our postindustrial consumer capitalistic propensity to throw money at problems, like dictatorships in the Southern Hemisphere, the Western pursuit of the conquest of nature, or to not bother parking our own cars, makes fans loco, especially as extraordinary amounts of revenue flood professional sports leagues around the world. It drives people to hang themselves during halftime of the Champions League Final. People in strange lands to start roaming gangs ready to beat up the opposition. It informs the minds of sick people that it’s okay to get outrageous tattoos of trophies and club crests. It makes me irrationally resent whomever my friends are dating.

The problem is cyclical. $$$ in. Disappointment, irrationality out. It’s inevitable because fans and owners don’t really know what’s good for them. It takes a special mind to be able to control the funds and personnel decisions especially in this period of boisterous and threatening popular opinion, against the ebb and flow of speculation and pressure. Often, in the tumultuous world of overspending, dictatorial organizations, the most qualified aren’t given enough power, are turned against, and proceed to move on to greener, more trusting pastures (See: Mourinho, Belichick).

Fortunately, the day-to-day operations of a multi-million dollar sports club are not up to us. However, we are subjected to the whims of the Jerry Jones, Mark Cubans, and Roman Abramovics of the world.

Why do we even bother? The same reason the last thing a Kardashian did is the most talked about thing on Earth. It’s the reason why we care about what Ricky Gervais is going to say about people we have no direct relation to. It’s because we have no control. It’s because we can turn off our minds and froth at the mouth. We can judge from our pedestals and feel like kings casting judgment while being swept up by the imaginary relationships we have with people. CUT THE BABY IN HALF! Perspective has no place in celebrity and sport.

We all have the solutions, of course. The Rockets would win the championship every year, if I were in charge! The idiots running the club are the ones that don’t have it figured out yet!

But, seriously, who runs a draw play on 3rd and 20?

Just remember, when you’re screaming at Tony Romo for doing something in front of tens of thousands of people that you couldn’t even do in your backyard, you were never in the position to bench him, start him, or even touch him. If you were, you’d be a tiny native-born Los Angelino with a terrible plastic surgeon and too much money. Calm down. Breathe deeply. Thank the Lord you don’t play quarterback for the Cowboys, and don’t be the insane, irrational fan that everyone talks about behind their back. There will be a next year. I have finally learned this.

Try to find happiness in something that doesn’t involved a strange man’s proficiency with his expensive upper or lower extremities. Even porn stars have to get pretty liquored up for that.

Guardi-Gaga and Lady Barça

This is the first time I’ve written something like this for fun. It takes the form of a lot of my favorite bloggers, so excuse the change in style from my normal ranting writings. In a discussion about Barcelona I sort of stumbled upon the idea to write about how similar the talents, decisions, and recent histories of Lady Gaga and Barcelona really are. I chuckled to myself about writing this, but I just went for it. As someone that doesn’t listen to that much Gaga, but really dug Monster and Fame Monster, I hope I did her justice. To my soccer readers, I hope I didn’t sully my reputation with you. This is the perspective of a ’90s music-loving, Chelsea fan. 

Reaching the pinnacle of a field or discipline is something people with talent, or those deluded enough to believe they have it, dream of all of their lives. Few ever reach it. Lady Gaga, in her short 25 years on this planet, has done what many work tirelessly for years to achieve. She wins awards like participation ribbons. The world is her oyster, despite the paper-thin controversies surrounding her videos, performances, and support for sinister causes like equality in marriage rights. She’s at the mountain top, and we are all down here marveling at her accomplishments, like a pop culture Sir Edmund Hillary.

Barcelona are also at the mountain top. After having convincingly, maybe not in the first 30 seconds, defeated Real Madrid at the Bernabéu 3-1. Plaudits have rained in over the mastery of Guardiola, the brilliance of Messi, the open heart surgery Iniesta performed in midfield, and the control of Xavi. This acclaim isn’t anything new. It’s been on full blast on every blog, magazine, and medium that covers soccer since last Saturday.

Barcelona have been on a tear since Guardiola took over in 2008, about the same time Lady Gaga’s Monsterhit the shelves. With the same tenacity, hard work, absolute skill, and talent, Lady Gaga and Barcelona have dominated their respective fields. While borrowing elements from the 1970s and 1980s, the artists have added their own twists on proven formulas that brought unbridled success to others–Ajax, Madonna, Holland.

What I imagine the Guardiola's tactics looked like in his head.

Focus, intelligence, creativity, drive, and competition have driven both to the top. Barcelona have dominated European football since Guardiola took charge and decided to build the squad around Messi, Xavi, and Iniesta. Lady Gaga has dominated the charts since 2008 with hit albums like Monster, The Fame Monster, and Born This Way–her Messi, Xavi, and Iniesta. And, success has brought its share of imitators. Clubs like Chelsea have spent millions of pounds trying to recreate the possession-based, silky style of Barcelona with little comparative success to the likes of Nicki Minaj. Chelsea and Manchester City have improved their youth facilities in order to mimic the success of Barcelona’s La Masia youth academy. But, it always seems like Barcelona and Lady Gaga are one step ahead. Lady Barça uses old forms and references to create new ideas and images. She blows away imitators and supporters by not only staying true to what made her great but by remaining malleable and unsatisfied as an artist. Barcelona’s squad is constantly shifting, and so is Gaga’s creative model.

During El Clasico, Barcelona fielded a starting XI without a natural striker. Alexis Sanchez, a winger, was made to lead the line against the stout, yet at times vulnerable, Real defense. The brilliance of this move makes so much sense when applied but would have probably made most football aficionados scratch their heads. Guardi-Gaga tweaked an idea that kept his opponents guessing and his supporters yearning for an answer, a positive one at that.

Guardiola, “The Genius”, was in tune. He stayed true to the philosophy of Barcelona, the ideas that got Barcelona here. Yet, he was aware of the the changes necessary to quench his thirst for supremacy. He needed to beat Mourinho. He needed to prove that his philosophy was correct, better, and unpredictable. (Maybe this wasn’t running through his head when he put on Keita to kill off the match, but hey, it’s nice to think it’s true.) He knew exactly how to make the fans jump out of their seats. He knew how to get the game moving. Barcelona delivered. Barcelona made millions dance in living rooms and bars across the globe. Barcelona put on a spectacle that night. Barcelona was Lady Gaga.

Eventually, Barcelona and Lady Gaga’s star will not shine as bright, and we will be left with the memories of 5-0, 6-2, and “Bad Romance.” We will remember the exhilaration of seeing Messi’s goals against Getafe, Arsenal, Madrid, and just about everyone he’s faced. We’ll remember the genius of “Poker Face.” But these memories will become foggy with time and distance, and we will have to rely on myth and YouTube to educate others about the demigods of the late-2000s. Fortunately, there’s life, music, and football outside of these two powerhouses; marvels that have added to our sporting and popular cultures forever.

-dago

2011

I thought I’d write a music post tonight. The semester is winding down, and I’m ready to get to a little writing before the last semester of graduate school kills my spirit. I have a tendency to listen to a lot of 90s music. It’s no surprise that my thesis will be about 90s music. Yet, I’ve managed to compile a list of things that I really dug from this year, and maybe you’ll like some of it. I hope that you guys can share with me what y’all really liked. I’m always down for listening to new things at least once.

Empire! Empire! (I was a lonely estate) - Home After Three Months Away

This is probably some of the most melancholy music I listen to on the regular basis. If you may ever encounter a heartbreaking situation or need some soothing music, Empire! Empire! should be your first stop. With heartfelt lyrics and beautiful guitar work, Home After Three Months Away tugs at the heartstrings but also helps fix what’s broken. These guys are awesome people as well as great musicians. I’ve seen them twice and have never been disappointed. I hope they listened to the rap mixtape I made them for the road.

They also recorded a song with the former singer of Colossal this year… so there’s also that. This is a link to that song, since I couldn’t find a link to anything from this EP. Still raw, son.

David Bazan – Strange Negotiations

I hopped on the Pedro the Lion bandwagon wayyyy late and the David Bazan one even later. I was too busy listening to See You Next Tuesday or something. After seeing him twice in one year, I have to say that my Bazan freak flag is flying high. He always puts on a great show, and the emotion he pours out into his instrument and words are evident from the first track on a studio album or a live set. I can’t speak much for his religious and political leanings. I don’t know much about them, but I don’t think that should dissuade anyone from listening to him.

Football, Etc. – The Draft

Football, Etc. is a band based out of my hometown, Houston, TX. They definitely don’t fit the traditional profile of a Houston band, and I appreciate their music a lot more when considering that. It’s hard to be this emo in a town full of Nickelback wannabes. They remind me a lot of Sunny Day Real Estate and Mineral, an Austin indie band that you should probably also listen to. I don’t know if those comparisons make sense, but I’m completely in love with everything this trio has put out. I can’t wait to see them again.

Braid – Closer to Closed

Braid grew up. So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that their first release in a million and a half years is a little more mature, textured, and melodic than Frame & Canvas or anything before. The EP maintains that Braid attitude that made them so fun to listen to. Bob Nanna has still got it, and it’s  obvious on the EP’s last track “Universe or Worse”. Braid always makes me ask, “WHO is this song about? I want to know right now.” It’s not often I care.

Dikembe – Chicago Bowls

With a track list with titles such as “Michael Jordank” and “Luc Bongley”, it isn’t hard to figure out why it’s so easy to fall in love with Dikembe. The opening and closing tracks borrow dialogue from a Freaks and Geeks episode. The pieces move a lot. I love movement in music. What do I mean about movement? I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but you know it when you hear it. This EP is in the sweet spot, where every song is memorable and every segment is your favorite. It’s wonderful, and I can’t wait to hear more from them in 2012.

Other albums that I dug, but didn’t really want to write about:

Maritime – Human Hearts

Manchester Orchestra – Simple Math

La Dispute – Wildlife << I love you

And– my for the lols pick:

Kreayshawn – “Gucci Gucci”

#2, Super Size, hurry up, I’m starvin’

-dago

A Taco Memory

It’s hard to throw someone off their game. Rick Perry seemed thrown off last night, but usually it takes more than facts and talking to get someone to fumble around their notes and say, “Oops!” Tonight, I was sharing a meal with one of my friends that likes to bring up embarrassing or ridiculous stories about me over conversation, like my grandpa terrorizing me with a crab. Over our burritos she brought up one of my only overt confrontations with racism in its hilarious form.

I loved going to lacrosse games my senior year of college. There’s nothing like watching a bunch of dudes who paid too much to run in pads and fight over a tiny ball. SEU fans would print out teamsheets with the names of the players and call them out individually. We were playing UTSA at our famous lower field around the time the Kite Festival was going on. I singled out a player that was playing on the nearest side to me to ridicule. The guy wore an orange bandana under his helmet like a strange ode to a toxic Big Gay Al. I kept yelling at him about it.

“Does that bandana make you play better?! It isn’t working!” 

 

I also yelled pretty innocuous things at him.

“Wanna catch a movie later, dude?!”

“When is halftime?!”

“Do you want to go to the Kite Festival?! I’ll bring the popcorn!”

 

I never knew the Kite Festival was such a sore subject for the wee man. Maybe he didn’t like being asked out by a guy? Who knows. After I inquired about his availability to watch plastic fabric dance through the air, like his bandana was during most of the game, he yelled,

“WHY DON’T YOU GO EAT A TACO, YOU FAT MEXICAN!”

I was flabbergasted. I mean, I know I’m fat, but a Mexican? Hell no. Salvadoran, bro.

“Are you buying?!”

 

He walked over ready to yell at me again closer and over the fence that protects the spectators from the Division II amateur athletes. The referee must’ve heard him erroneously calling me a Mexican and came over.

“HEY, CUT IT OUT YOU TWO OR BOTH OF YOU ARE EJECTED!” 

“Ref, I’m just sitting here being a Mexican.”

 

The guy turned around and walked to the other sideline, ripping off his gear, and angrily sat on the ground. He was miffed. Unfortunately for the Roadrunners, he thought that he had actually been ejected. His coach and teammates were unaware of the mix-up and they played a man down for a few minutes.

I had achieved what most sports fans can only dream of. I affected the run of play by being an obnoxious fan. I didn’t even have to run onto the field naked. Perfect.

To this day, it is one of my fondest memories of college.

Sometimes, when I’m eating a taco, which is often, I think about what that guy is doing. This one is for you, racist buddy.

-dago

I made a mistake today

I made the mistake of going to Bill Miller’s BBQ and thinking too much. As I rolled up to the location, I couldn’t help but notice all of the cheesy animals on the large sign on the front of the store. “Bill Miller Bar-B-Q” was accompanied by three, presumably decapitated but smiling, animal heads. Each animal looked happier than the last. The rooster was roostering hard. The cow was smiling stupidly at me, “C’mon, eat me, big boy.” The pig… oh, the pig just watched with a grin on his face. I wondered how no one else found this disturbing. I did. These smiling, adorable faces are definitely ending up on our plates. This isn’t soy meat. I mean, c’mon, people.

I reassured myself that the cartoon animals on the menu board weren’t actually becoming my food. If they did, it would be terrifying, like a mix between the films Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and Pet Cemetery. I found odd comfort in knowing that the animals that were ending up on my plate were probably miserable in the first place. I’m sure BM doesn’t care about where its meat comes from. It’s meat. Drive up to the window. Eat it. Don’t think that those animals are all caged in, fattened, and processed through a horrifyingly cold and sometimes very unsanitary process. It’s hard not to think about the production of meat in America in a post-Food Inc. world and not feel terrible. I felt bad again.

As I waited for my meat plate, heavy regret set in. Goddamn. I was so confused. These adorable little cartoon animal faces on my 108 oz. tea symbolize the free, carefree, happy existence of animals on a farm. How could I do that to them? How could I let my desire for their tasty flesh destroy their delicious lives? However, I knew these animals probably never saw more than an acre of free land around them. What would happen if they were allowed to be free and wild?

Then, I started thinking about people. I started thinking about the people that I see every day and how they’re not much different from these little cows, chickens, and pigs on my cup. They’re happy, ignorant, and just plain oblivious. We don’t realized we’re caged in. We execute our plans in cold and often very unsanitary conditions. We let the world pass us by as we’re used for consumption by corporations and the government. We’re happy like little cartoon cows. I thought about that on the drive home.

Then, I ate the shit out of that meat plate.

-dago

EDIT: I don’t think listening to Meat Is Murder by The Smiths while eating helped.

Premier League Predictions/Preview 2011-2012

That's Torres saying hello to the bench.

Now that the U.S. – Mexico friendly is done and dusted, and Jürgenball has been put on display, we can concentrate on the impending return of the English Premier League. This season has the potential to be the most crowded at the top for decades. Squads haven’t necessarily become stronger, but big clubs have strengthened in areas they already have quality in, except United, of course.

United locked up the services of Ashley Young, Phil Jones, and De Gea this summer. Although De Gea was a necessary buy because of Edwin’s departure, Young and Jones are additions to already strong wing play and a stout defense. With Cleverley and Welbeck back from their loans, United have regained strength in the front, as if they needed more, and in the midfield. I’m tipping United for the title again. If their first team can stay healthy, there will be no stopping them. Sir Alex Ferguson has the tools and  the old master’s skill to make sure this happens.

Liverpool are a squad overflowing with young English talent at the moment. Carroll, Adam, Downing, and Henderson can all make impacts at Liverpool. Also, Liverpool have Meireles, Aquilani, Lucas, and even Christian Poulsen on the payroll. Many of these foreign players are on their way out it seems. Dalglish is interested in injecting English talent into the Liverpool squad at the expense of proven performers like Meireles and Aquilani. Whether this is a mistake or not is yet to be seen. Though I think this has the potential to be the mistake that keeps Liverpool out of the top four. Regardless, with a healthy Stevie G. a lot is possible. However, with all of the talent currently at Liverpool, I can finally say with or without SG8 I’m expecting a lot from this squad this season. I think my confused analysis of Liverpool is what a lot of people are feeling about this squad. It’s an unhealthy mix of anticipation and anxiety. Eek.

Arsenal are probably the most frustrating team in the league. I really don’t know what else to say. Anyway, it’s all already been said. Even as a supporter of the hated Chelsea FC, I support their style and most of the time hope it works.  They have no depth in the back. They’re dynamite up front, if RvP can stay healthy. They need help in center midfield. Yet, Arsene insists on buying players like Gervinho and Campbell who do not serve to fill these gaps. I feel bad for Arsenal supporters. You have the cash, but it’s not being used properly.

Chelsea have spent around £42m this summer. There has been no improvement in the first team squad. I don’t know whether I should write a strongly worded letter to Roman or find the nearest cuddly woodland creature and yell in its face, “WHY?! WHY IN THE HELL HAVE WE BOUGHT A 19 YEAR OLD SPANISH CENTER DEFENDER WHEN THE MOST PRESSING NEEDS ARE IN MIDFIELD?! MICHAEL ESSIEN IS CONSTANTLY ON A FUCKING STRETCHER. RAMIRES SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY ONE WITH THE SKILL AND WORK RATE TO MAKE AN IMPACT RIGHT NOW??!!??! WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT PASTORE?!” Chelsea desperately crave creativity in the midfield. Lampard isn’t going to provide it. Malouda is being pushed outside, even though he could be wonderful in center midfield. AVB sold the only other player with a decent left foot that doesn’t feel like cutting in from the right, Yuri Zhirkov. I understand the moves for Oriol, Lukaku, and Courtois are about depth, and that Yossi being healthy and a change in training methods may be enough to change the way Chelsea play. I’m really scared as a Chelsea supporter, and I hope AVB knows what he’s doing.

City have bought every striker ever. It’s official. They have all of them. Also, they got Clichy. I’m scawed.

Tottenham have not strengthened a squad that was easily dropped out of Champions League competition last season and fell short of the top four. Spurs will be participating in the Europa League in 2011-2012. Balancing both continental competition and the league will be another difficult task for Redknapp and Tottenham. Tottenham’s strength is in the back and in midfield, but they’ve been lacking up front. I feel if Pavlyuchenko stays and plays to his potential, Tottenham could make a serious push for the top four and in the Europa League. However, there are five other teams with stronger squads vying for those same spots, and we’re talking about Tottenham here. They never play to their potential.

There are too many teams to get into, but as you can tell I’m very excited. Newcastle have gotten substantially worse after losing Carroll, Nolan and putting Barton on a free in the past 8 months.  Sunderland have bought about 8 new players this summer to add the necessary depth to make a push for 5th. I’m excited to see where Fulham and Everton end up. I think Wigan and Wolves are going down.

Most of all, despite my club allegiance, I’m very excited about the return of QPR to the top flight. Swansea will be underdogs in almost every match this season. Norwich wear the most awful colors. I just want to see that happening.

Anyway, I’m pumped for this season! BRING ON SATURDAY! My end of season table. We all know that it gets pretty hard predicting between 10 and 17:

1. Manchester United
2. Manchester City
3. Chelsea
4. Liverpool
5. Arsenal
6. Tottenham Hotspur
7. Sunderland
8. Everton
9. Stoke City
10. Bolton Wanderers
11. Aston Villa
12. Fulham
13. Blackburn Rovers
14. West Bromwich Albion
15. Newcastle
16. Queens Park Rangers
17. Swansea City
18. Wigan Athletic
19. Wolverhampton Wanderers
20. Norwich City

Alright, let me know what I missed. It was a bunch. :)

Sack

Oh, yeah, baby. That's it.

This morning as I turned the corner from my apartment, I realized the comforting element of my backpack. It’s like I’m getting hugged from behind by a furless sloth who ate a few books and a laptop and is making a getaway on my back. I wear it pretty high. I don’t know if this makes me a nerd or not, but I read a while back that low-slung backpacks work your back in terrible ways. I didn’t pay much heed to that little bit of advice until I was in high school.

When I was a kid, it was commonly accepted that those who wore low-hanging backpacks were total badasses. They were mavericks. They took the straps to limits. They braved the prospect of a catastrophic tear that would leave their belongings strewn across the hallway floor. I was one of those kids. Intrepid. Fearless. My Jansport was always hangin’ low, bruv.

As I accepted my nerdiness later on in high school, my backpack rose. By junior year of college, I was consumed by the messenger bag. I still own a few and use them from time to time, but I’ve recently made the change back to backpacks. They carry more. They’re more practical. Honestly, messenger bags are more of a fashion accessory to me than practical bag. I have a ton of stuff to carry around for school. I don’t want all of that dangling off one strap wrapped across my chest.

The fact that I was thinking about backpacks for a solid ten minutes scared me. The idea that I was discussing the utilitarian superiority of a backpack compared to a messenger bag pretty much told me everything I needed to know about myself. I’m old. As I grew older, the manner I carried my belongings mattered more to me. I grew more practical, more concerned about my back. Now, I’ve methodically decided that backpacks are more practical, and thusly, put one foot in the grave.

In a sense, ‘backwear’ could be used to measure one’s evolutionary point in regards to full adulthood. Maybe. Just a stupid thought.

I’m a huge fan of briefcases. I looooove the idea of putting my things inside of animal skin wrapped around a wooden frame. I’m going to see if I can’t get leather from the Blue Bell Cow for my first briefcase. There’s nothing more Texan that than.

Also, I refuse to get one of those rolling suitcases or crates full of files and folders that professors drag around. If you see me with one of those, just end it. End me. I’ve given up.

Anyway, this is just a random question, but what do you prefer to carry around? I feel backpacks are kinda geeky but practical. I guess there are a lot of “cool” backpacks out there, but really, why all the hassle? Gimme a sack and a couple of straps and let’s ride.

Don’t read too much into that last line.

-dago

On Guus, Chelsea, and the USMNT

Guus is doing his best to get into heaven. His two footed tackle later didn't help.

Tuesday evening, the USMNT made up for their poor performance against Panama in a way. They got the three points they needed to advance securely into the quarterfinals. It wasn’t done in style. The United States missed chance after chance at the heads and feet of Landon Donovan and main offender Clint Dempsey. The team was finally getting in front of goal but couldn’t finish. The finishes have to be there against a difficult Jamaica team which won every one of their group matches. Jamaica was eviscerated at the hands of the Americans during World Cup qualification a good year and a half back, but in football, records and history mean nothing. Ask Arsenal.

I’m very excited about this match only because I can see the United States turning it on for the bigger occasion. When their backs are against the wall or the pressure is on, the United States are a more formidable team. Also, it seems like the United States have a decent Gold Cup 2011 against teams that weren’t formerly Spanish colonies. Our record against non-Spanish-speaking teams is 2-0-0, so far. We’ve only lost to Spanish-speakers. This sort of statistical analysis is what you come here for. I just hope we don’t get Mexico until the final. They speak Spanish like nobody’s business. I’m confident we’ll win Sunday afternoon, but I’m not counting my Jamaican Jerk chickens just yet. Bob Bradley still needs to get the guys ready for this match mentally and tactically. I’m not entirely confident he can. We’ll see.

It seems as though Chelsea have all but sent their fleet of helicopter/terrorhawks to snatch up Guus Hiddink from the Turkish FA. Despite the Lord of the Rings-esque threat from the TFA’s president that no one simply just leaves Turkey, Guus is most likely simply leaving Turkey and rushing into the grateful arms of Chelsea supporters. He shouldn’t have left in the first place. This is great news for supporters. He did well replacing Scolari and brought us more trophies than Arsenal have won/thrown away in the past 5 years. He has the vision and ability to rebuild our aging squad and get things turned around.

Uncle Roman already has a housewarming present for Guus by the name of Luka Modric. Chelsea have reportedly put in a £22m bid for the Croatian. Spurs rejected it, but I’m sure the war chest is full enough for us to nick Lukinho away from Three Point Lane.

It also seems like the Neymar deal might be falling through again for the second summer window in a row. I feel this is pretty great for the player himself and the club. Chelsea are a bit striker-heavy at the moment, and I don’t se Neymar doing that well in the rough and stuff EPL. If we lose Drogba and Sturridge, this might be change things. We’re for sure losing Anelka. #2008MoscowFinal #neverforget

There are other reports that Chelsea are looking to swap Ramires and cash for Wesley Sneijder. Okay. Cool. We just bought him, but whatever. It would be awful if we lost both Mikel and Ramires, maybe even Essien. We’d lose that crucial midfield enforcer and proper cover for the back line. However, a midfield of Sneijder, Lampard, and Modric would be insane. You got yourself a stew going there, baby. Although, I’m sure if Chelsea even got those players to sign, we wouldn’t ever play all the three at the same time…

More desperately than midfield creativity we need options on the right wing. I hope we can get Alexis Sanchez. I hope we can also snag up Van der Weil. We need help out there desperately. Funnily enough, a few years ago our problem was the lack of a competent left winger. Now the problem has shifted, and there are plenty of options to pick up and plenty of summer for things to get fixed. I’m just hoping that it all works out.

Hopes and expectations are all I have right now. It’s been a hard year for me in the football world. Since the World Cup my national team and club have disappointed greatly. It’s time to turn things around!

 

A mess on our hands

They did.

The United States Men’s National Team has been in turmoil for a good year under the direction of Bob Bradley. At last year’s World Cup, the USMNT met expectations by barely getting through a group which looks weaker today than it did in the Summer of 2010. Since the World Cup, the United States has engaged in a few money-grabbing international friendlies that gave the fans a glimpse into how we fare against superior opposition. Things looked bleak. We’ve been spanked repeatedly since the World Cup and haven’t had a good outing since. Spain embarrassed the United States a few days before their first match in the Gold Cup.

Against the Canadians, it looked like the United States were expecting to be given the three points. Luckily, Jozy Altidore is an expert level turner of third-rate Canuck defenders. We won 2-0, but I don’t believe many people were happy about the United States’ performance. They lacked a cutting edge in their attack, and even though the back line hadn’t been tested by Canada, it was obvious that our central midfield was going to be a bit of a problem.

The wheels finally came off against Panama. Like most CONCACAF squads the USMNT face, Panama sat back and was glad to hit the US on the counterattack. The back four were exposed by a fast, intelligent Panamanian attack. Ream and Goodson looked all out of sorts. The ball was lost too easily in the midfield. Little cover was provided by Jones and Bradley whose lack of pace was exploited by the Panamanian squad. Cover from our outside backs was lacking. The Panamanians were providing killer diagonal balls across the box knowing that our defenders couldn’t stick with their men. The US went down 2-0 by half. By that time it was obvious that the staunch Panamanian defense with their strength in the middle were not going to budge. There was an obvious gulf in quality between the two squads.

I, and most of my friends, can’t name a Panamanian player. I think this might be incredibly telling about the state of our football in the United States. Bradley and the coaching staff seemed to have underestimated the Panamanian squad. With arrogance and bravado, we expected to waltz in and win another group match, like we always do. Transfixed by the happenings in Europe and the MLS, the squad comprised of those playing in Europe and a couple from the MLS. Reputation and club alone will not win the United States games in the upcoming weeks. I don’t want to dive into an English diatribe about not picking players on reputation but according to form, but it seems to be the case. Our squad is full of players who play overseas, but in their respective clubs have done nothing.

Jermaine Jones was loaned out to Blackburn from Schalke because he couldn’t cut it in the first team. His time there was abysmal. Michael Bradley was shipped out to Aston Villa from relegation contender Borussia Mönchengladbach. Landon Donovan’s time at Everton lifted the hearts of American football fans. It showed us that our players could make a positive impact in Europe. However, this form hasn’t truly translated over to the Men’s National Team, despite his goal against Algeria that sent us through in the WC. Landon has actively taken on the public role of leader of our national team in this country, but he’s absolutely absent on the field. Altidore seems to have stagnated in his progress. Nothing more can be said about that.

It’s Bob Bradley’s job to see this and make the necessary adjustments. I can understand fielding the same team against Panama as we did against Canada as a way to truly test the capacity of the first choice squad. However, it would have been nice to see others given a chance. It was obvious after the first match that things weren’t going to get any easier. Edu isn’t getting the necessary minutes. He won the SPL with Rangers for the love of God. Michael Bradley should not start this match today. I’m certain he will. I was reluctant to go down the “He’s the Coach’s Son” route, but it seems like Papa Bradley insists on keeping him in when it’s obvious he isn’t up to the task. There have been bright moments with Mike, but it’s not consistent enough. Without speaking too tactically, it’s obvious we don’t work well in a 4-4-2.

Dempsey, Agudelo, and Howard seem to be the only ones giving their all for the National Team at the moment. It’s also obvious that we’re missing Stuart Holden, again. Bob can only do so much with what he’s got, but injuries shouldn’t be an excuse at this point. We’ve had time to prepare. I think it’s time for Bob to make the necessary changes today. I don’t think he will.

It’s time that we move on from Bob Bradley. His years of service won’t be forgotten by American fans. The reputation of the United States has risen exponentially since 2006′s debacle in Germany. However, it’s obvious that this isn’t enough to keep your job when things are falling apart. Reputation alone will not win us this Gold Cup or any competition from now on. We need a change.

When it comes down to it, I’m glad that our national squad has risen to the point where we can have these expectations. It means that we’re not just accepting defeat as easily anymore as a footballing nation. We’re no longer as much of a laughing-stock as we once were. If there isn’t a change soon, we might be heading in that direction.